how did I get to this place ?
this undetermined stop. inside the garden
of the walled indifference
of me. do i stop in recognition of these silent
shadowed spaces. do they perceive me,
at my weakest point. do they hear
the static overload. the voices that push
& press, all the buttons all at once.
the pressure to address,
the irritation in my mind. that is pulled
to the point of overload. are they
the silent witness to the thoughts
that live past rescued reason.
the shapes that watch & follow.
that walk, stalking beyond the cracks.
pulling me over the unseamed edge.
inside the well worn ridges of my
descending mind[set] in its oblique
and you would miss — me
because without — me, the world
would be so dark ?
But the world is dark, this world has
always been dark to me
and I’ve been
trying to hold,
to make a difference,
to share some light,
the flame i borrowed.
and for the first time
i feel fragile, and i have been
broken, ground down before
i am unsure —what is to come
we are powerless in all of this,
i have messed up
so much along the way,
and now we’re here,
staring into the dark
and there’s only my own reflection,
only my own shadow hanging
over me, only the voices reverberating,
on and on back to me,
only the past come looking for me.
this is a hollow world, i don’t recognise
why can’t i go home?